Trapped in a Maze
When I was dealing with the emotional turmoil during my separation phase I would use music and lyrics as an escape. I found that when I go through a hard time in life it would help me to listen to songs that relate to the situation I was going through.
Until now, I would just listen to songs, but not pay attention to the details or the actual lyrics. I heard songs all the time but haven’t heard the words and actually listened. That might go for most of our relationships. You get to the point when you stop listening. As I dealt with difficult times during my divorce, I would find myself actually listening to the lyrics as if certain songs were written for my situation even if they weren’t.
During this time, one song I would listen to over and over again was the song Holy Grail performed by Jay-Z. If you ever sat down and heard this song you might be able to relate to the words as well.
The song begins with the lyrics “ You’d take the clothes off my back, and I’d let you “ “You’d steal the food right out of my mouth and I’d watch you eat it, I still don’t know why”.
Many of us dealing the divorce can probably relate to these words. Before this conflict I didn’t care if she ate my food and took the clothes off my back – when we got married I took a vow to share everything. Now that has all suddenly changed and we engaged in conflict in an instant it all changed and we are watching them do things that we don’t want them doing. Our relationship changed, we are no longer a unit and I am not sharing what I shared before.
The song lyrics continue “ You curse my name in spite, to put me to shame. Hang my laundry in the streets Dirty or clean give it up for fame”. Many of us can relate to these lyrics, especially if you are involved in a divorce filled with conflict. We feel betrayed and let down by someone who was our teammate. Now rather than protecting each other, she is fighting with you and will do anything just get the upper hand in court.
During this process you will be amazed that someone you once trusted with everything, will do anything, just to make sure, in their mind, that you are on the losing end. She is upset and has already made a permanent decision that wants out of this relationship. She is willing to fight against you every step of the way, which in the end will get you no where except upset, disappointed and more legal bills.
It is amazing how someone can change right in front of your eyes and turn from your partner to your worst enemy. It’s amazing how we are caught in this maze and you feel like you can’t crack their code – one day she loves you the next day she is so cold.
We hear a lot of things in songs that we just tune out and some lyrics we can relate to and take it to heart. It makes you stop and think did I hear my wife when she was trying to tell me she wasn’t happy and not listen to her as well.
The divorce process will put you through everything. There will be times, you won’t know what to do next, and it may feel like as if you can’t breath. This feeling will pass, try to keep your cool and let the process play out.
The truth is its not the break up and the action of divorcing people that is the problem, it’s how long the divorce takes that causes the issues to get worse.