A Broken System

This country is built on the premise of justice for all – but unfortunately this does not hold true when it comes to divorce court – the system is broken. The Scales of Justice in divorce and custody ordeals are unbalanced.The sad reality is that divorce court and the entire system is nothing more than big business. Don’t be fooled into thinking otherwise, the divorce business is nothing more than a revenue generator for everyone involved but you.

Every year in the United States, there are one million divorces, that’s approximately one divorce every 36 seconds, almost 2,400 per day and 16,800 per week. It is estimated that about 67 percent of second marriages end in divorce, and the percentage is even worse for third marriages.

The need for everything from lawyers to therapists to movers is astounding. As morbid as it may sound, in the business world, that is considered a big market. Actual estimates vary widely on how big the divorce business actually is. However, one thing is for sure: It’s in the billions and essential one hand feeds the other.  Since the system and all the professionals’ involved keep generating money on your divorce there is no reason for anything to change.  What can change is how you react and your actions in order to move your case through this system faster.

One of the court’s routine practices is to send you to see a therapist in order to help deal with your child scheduling.  I remember we were there twice and it took no time to have us upset and out the door fighting.  The therapist clearly stated this system isn’t working for anyone involved, and in reality that the only thing people are fighting over is one day a week at most. At that time, I didn’t really understand what she meant by the system is broken.  I found out the hard way what it meant later on.

The system will try to drag your divorce case on for as long as it takes to tire you out or you decide to settle. Once you are in the system you are known as just a number, similar to a number assigned to a prison inmate.  Initially, you spend all your time fighting, thinking you will win but in the end you realize that you wasted your time and money fighting a fight that no one wins.  The divorce system with push you to the point where you are frustrated more by the system than the problems you have with your spouse. This is how the divorce economy thrives, the longer you fight, the more money you will spend on divorce industry.

During my divorce, I wasted hours fighting a fight I would never win. I fought for hours to be granted custody of our son, but even with changes in today’s society, mothers are still more likely to get custody when parents divorce.  Once I took a step back and thought about what I was fighting for I realized that the court presumes that children will be best served by having a meaningful relationship with both parents.

Even if the mother is granted primary custody, we also know that the mother can’t have every minute with your kids because that will be truly unfair and the court wants you to believe that they have the best interest of the child in mind. So the end result is they give the woman 51% of the kids time so she gets child support and doesn’t have to rely on government financial aid.

In the end, although the court grants the mother the right to have more time with the kids in reality once you break it down her time is not that much different than yours.  Let me explain, you will likely alternate weekends, which basically means you will have the same amount of time during the weekends.  Assuming you pick up after school on Fridays and drop off at school on Monday mornings on your weekends then during the week there are 4 days/nights left over (Monday through Thursday) to be divided.  In a equitable system each parent would get two days each but that would cause child support issues, but to avoid this issue she will be allocated by giving her 3 and you 1.  Once I was able to take a step back and look at this rationally I realized I was spending all this time and money over 1 day difference.

Don’t be fooled, if you think this system is here to help you settle these disputes with your spouse, its not.  The system actually forces you to fight with each other so that you stay in the system and generate revenue for the divorce industry.

The end result is you can’t force anyone to settle with someone who is irrational.  But you can force the system to move quicker and mitigate problems for you and your family. Take a step back and think before acting. Be smarter then both of them force them to settle by putting the papers on the table and ending the conflict before it even starts.

Don’t be a statistic be smarter for your own good. Use all those people to move your case along and move on. And once it is over you will be able to look back and laugh at these people because you beat them at their own game.

%d bloggers like this: