No one wins in Divorce Court

The problems caused by the actual divorce process become something bigger then the issues you and her ever had with each other.

In the short term getting divorced will likely cost you more money than it would take to stay married and in some cases the divorce process from start to finish make take longer than the length of your marriage.

The actual length of my marriage lasted almost 7 years before we finally called it quits, however, in my view my marriage was over long before than.

Due to circumstances that cause you to try to keep the marriage together, most marriages tend to end long before someone actually files divorce. In my case, my marriage really only lasted 2.5 years before everything started to change.

The woman initiates approximately 70% of all divorces because it’s often the woman who expresses more overt conflict and dissatisfaction about the state of the marriage. On the other hand, the man is more likely to report feeling troubled by his wife’s dissatisfaction, but pretty much “OK” with the way things are; he’s content to just cope along as time passes.Similar to most divorces, this is exactly what happened in my case, she filed for divorce and gave me my out from this marriage that was sucking every last breath I had to stay in it.

As I explained above, in my view my marriage really only last 2.5 years before the walls began to start crumbling down.  On the other hand our divorce took over 3 years to finally end and would of continued longer if I didn’t initiate a settlement agreement to stop it.

Everyone’s initial reaction is to continue to fight when you are angry and hurt and in every divorce, there is bitterness, anger and sadness within both parties, even the partner who left. After all, a breakdown of a marriage does not happen overnight. The end result is the same no matter how you cut it, your marriage is over and you will end up divorced if she decided to divorce you.  If you continue the fight and ride the emotional roller coaster all you are doing is prolonging the evitable which will not only cost you more money but also valuable time.

First thing that we all know is life is short.  We only have a certain amount of years on this earth.  My grandfather use to say heaven and hell are both on this earth.  It really depends how you make it for yourself.  You will lose countless months if not years dealing with this process until it’s over.  Take a step back and really think about if what you are still fighting about is really worth all this time, time that you will never be able to get back.

As I explained in a previous article – Divorce Court – A Biased System, we also know that when it comes to child custody, divorce court tends to follow the outdated preconceived notions in our society that awarding the mother primary custody is in the best interests of the child.While that might not be true in your home, in reality a judge doesn’t care to come sit at your home and observe which parent is the better caregiver.  So unless there is there undeniable proof, you are not convincing him otherwise an in the end it is easier and much cheaper to go with what society’s believes.

Those with insight and familiar with these situations all know how the judges rule, so why continue the conflict when everyone knows how the story ends.  In the end, the only thing will change is your legal fees and the time lost fighting with each other.

Although you can’t force the other side to settle, the best solution to a situation where there is no winner is to end it as quickly as possible. She thinks she has the power to make your life hard and cost you as much money as she can.  Be smart, keep your cool and try to move this case quickly.  No matter what the end financial result is she will never be happy with that amount she ends up.  Remember she can only continue to make you suffer and your life miserable if you let her. A good friend of mine said that when everyone is sick of hearing about this divorce and you think you can’t stand it anymore, would be the time when this problem will end.  He was right, before we settled even my lawyer saw there was nothing left to gain and wanted out of this situation.  Learn to keep your cool and move the case along – there is no winner – you are only losing is valuable money and precious time.

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