Life Moves on…
The adrenaline rush is over; the courtroom, daily fight and the ex are all gone. The lawyers have even stopped billing and now you begin to wonder what to do next.
As time passes you begin to adjust to your new “normal” – the monthly payments due to your ex, her new complaints and even threats become just a part of your daily routine. Life keeps moving on and before you know it’s a year later and in some ways things have changed and in other ways you may still feel as if you are stuck in a rut.
You have lost the taste of work; making money is not even the same anymore. It’s like your taste buds have been taken away with the rest of your things in the house you left behind. At times you wonder what am I doing anymore. I am working for my child support, and other things associated with the divorce. The question that comes to mind is what about me – when do I get to live my life again?
To start to live your life again – you have to find the spice of life. It’s a new beginning, and just like with anything new, you have to learn to walk again as you did when you were a baby. To learn to taste again you might want to actually take the time and smell the air and add some spices so that you can taste things differently. Take a walk and actually notice what is around you, if you actually open your eyes you will see a beautiful world out there. Start to run, start to jump and before you know it you will start to have a great time again. With the change of every season comes something new – the summer is here and the leaves and flowers started to grow and the sun is shining.
As you begin to adjust to your new normal you will notice that you may actually start to enjoy the time you have to yourself. There is a whole world out there for you to enjoy as you begin to move forward and leave the past behind. Take the time and go to the gym and work on your mind as well as your body. Start to cook new foods or begin to work on fixing things around the new pad. A freshly cooked meal or a fresh new coat of paint will give you a sense of accomplishment which will always can put a smile on your face.
As time passed since my divorce, I noticed that I am even starting to enjoy my days alone so that I can have “me” time. During my divorce I spent so much time fighting over being allocated more time with my kid that I actually lost sight of the big picture. When I took a step back I realized that splitting time is beneficial for everyone it allows each party to take care of work and other daily responsibilities so that time spent with your child be focused on building a strong bond and creating memories together.
As the old saying goes – time heals all wounds. Like most of you at first I did not believe that but the old adage is actually right when you stop focusing on your ex, the court, the lawyers, and all the people who latched on to your body and sucked everything they could from you. You can actually see your life is better off without them.
If you didn’t have a kid with your ex there is no doubt in my mind that you would likely never see or hear from her ever again. However, since you have a child together, the co-parenting aspect is the only reason you are still talking to her. Learn to take a step back and focus on just talking about the child and the child’s needs. Nothing else makes a difference or should be even discussed as the relationship the two of you had is over. Remember – if you had a good relationship then you wouldn’t have gotten to that bad divorce, and if the life you shared together was so good with her then you would still be together right now. Once we understand and realize that there is no longer a relationship between the two of you other than discussing your child put the rest in the past lets move on – get your act together for the next part of your life.
Let’s have a great time, live our lives and make some money — move on like a super star that you are.